


Haikyuu chatfic

by Auspiciousgoddess



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 2nd years are chaotics, Comedy, Dirty Jokes, Everyone Is Gay, Futakuchi Kenji is an Insider, Kozume Kenma isa Playboy, Multi, Tsukishima Kei Being an Asshole, Yamaguchi Tadashi is a Savage, bear with me, but this story wont, haikyuu is ending, i won't spoil it hoho, probably one sided love, slow update
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 07:47:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24467458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Auspiciousgoddess/pseuds/Auspiciousgoddess
Summary: this is just for killing my times even though I have 3 stories in the entry lmao. feel free to read!!!Index :3ch1: karasuno joins the gcch2: Kuroosgoingtojailpart + it's pridemonth bitchesch3: SEIJOH'S DAAMAQUEENSch4: Milkyboi added Shittykawa and Mydensebear to the chatch5: Aoba Johsai vs Shiratorizawa rematchtbc...
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Ennoshita Chikara/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Futakuchi Kenji/Kawanishi Taichi, Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Hinata Shouyou & Kozume Kenma, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi Akira, Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru, Nishinoya Yuu & Tanaka Ryuunosuke & Yamamoto Taketora, Oohira Reon/Yamagata Hayato, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou, Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Terushima Yuuji/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 9
Kudos: 139





	1. Karasuno joins the gc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> after their practice match, Nekoma invited karasuno to their summer training camps

**GreatHornedOwl:** Karasuno?

 **GreatHornedOwl** : Never heard of them

 **HotCaptain** : their first years are crazy, you know? They’re insanely fast, I can’t even block them

 **Russian** : that’s because your jumping skill sucks, kuroo

 **GreatHornedOwl** : LMAO RUSSIAN

 **GreatHornedOwl** : THAT IS A GOOD ONE

 **HotCaptain** : shut up

 **HotCaptain** : yours is not better either

 **Russian** : At least I am tall

 **Demon** : fuck you and your genes

 **Russian** : even Alisa? That’s so uncool of you

 **Demon** : Don’t talk back to me mf

 **GreatHornedOwl** : need parenting tips?

 **HotCaptain** : Akaashi is a single-parent

 **GreatHornedOwl** : HOW DARE U

 **HotCaptain** : so how about invite their cap here?

**HotCaptain added CROWDAD to the chat**

**Akaashi** : why did you even ask

 **CROWDAD** : what is this?

 **HotCaptain** : welcome to the chatgroup

 **HotCaptain** : you are officially the first member of tokyo-miyagi association from Miyagi

 **GreatHornedOwl** : ???

 **Russian** :???

 **CROWDAD** : u good?

 **Demon** : that’s the first

 **Kenma** : plz ignore him

 **CROWDAD** : let me ge this straight

 **CROWDAD** : Is this for the summer training camp thing or what?

 **HotCaptain** : something like that

 **CROWDAD** : can my teammate join?

 **GreatHornedOwl** : SURE

 **GreatHornedOwl** :HOW NICE! TALKING TO NEW PEOPLE!!

 **Kenma** : my introvert ass is screaming

 **Akaashi** :(2)

**CROWDAD added Jesus, SunShine, crowmom, and 8 others to the chat**

**Kenma** : jfc. Thats a lot of people

 **SunShine** : Kenma?

 **Kenma** : sunshine?

 **Demon** : fuck. thats so cute

 **Crowmom** : Morisuke, language.

 **Demon** : oops sorry.

 **HotCaptain** : HOLY JESUS

 **Jesus** : You’re calling me?

 **HotCaptain** :...

 **HotCaptain** : did Yaku just apologized?

 **Demon** : Koushi is a better parent than you, Kuroo

 **HotCaptain** : HOW COULD U

 **BUDDHA** : TORAAAAAAAAAAA

 **PUNK** : RYUUUUUUU

 **Ennoshita** : stfu

 **Crowmom** : don’t be rude. I raise you better than this

 **Yams** : Oh!! Is this a groupchat?

 **Tsukishima** : No.

 **Tsukishima** : this is a hell called social interraction.

 **Kenma** : the heaven called social distancing

 **HotCaptain** : Karasuno’s hottie number 11!!

 **Tsukishima** : horny much?

 **HotCaptain** : mhmmm

 **Kenma** : digusting

 **Akaashi** : Agreed

 **GreatHornedOwl** : bby you are a hottie and horny too!!

**Tsukishima changed Akaashi’s name to Hornier**

**Tsukishima** : exposed

 **Hornier** : Bokuto-san, please consider your words before typing it

 **Sunshine** : who is the GreatHornedOwl???

 **GreatHornedOwl** : that will be me

 **Milkyboi** : who r u

 **GreatHornedOwl** : i am me

 **Sunshine** : Are you an Owl?

 **GreatHornedOwl** : I am an owl

 **HotCaptain** : Why r u answering like a bot?

 **Hornier** : He is Bokuto Koutarou from Fukurodani, and i’m their setter, Akaashi Keiji

**Hornier change GreatHornedOwl’s name to Bokuto**

**HotCaptain changed Bokuto’s name to Airhead**

**Airhead** : HOW DID I CHANGE BACK MY USERNAME?

 **HotCaptain** : ladies and gentleman, i present you the stupidity of Bokuto Koutarou, the top 5 ace in Japan

 **Hinata** : EISEU ?

 **Tsukishima** : Ace*

**Tsukishima changed Hinata's name to Airhead2**

**Airhead2 changed Tsukishima's name to asshole**

**Crowmom** : you're grounded.

 **Airhead2** : whaaaaat ???

 **Airhead2** : it is the fact!!!!!

 **asshole** : its okay. I like being an asshole

 **HotCaptain** : SEXY

 **Kenma** : saying that one more time, i will cut your dicks off

 **Asshole** : lol he got another dick?

 **HotCaptain** : i smell jealousy 🌚

 **Kenma** : im not jealous

 **Kenma** : i dont want my sunshine hearing unnecessary thing from you

 **Milkyboi** : excuse me?

 **Milkyboi** : hinata is karasuno's

 **Asshole** : you mean, ‘yours’

 **Kenma** : i will kidnap him

 **Kenma** : just u watch

 **Demon** : he is joking

 **Demon** : kageyama apologize

 **Milkyboi** : ???

 **Milkyboi** : why would i ?

 **Demon** : apologize or i shave your head off

 **Milkyboi** : i don’t get it. but, sorry

 **Crowmom** : it will easen my job tbh

 **Crowmom** : dealing with 11 child giving me a grey hair

 **Iamwild** : but you born with a grey hair...

 **BUDDHA** : BRO, he is born to dealing 11 child

 **Iamwild** : BRO

 **Iamwild** : That’s though

 **Ennoshita** : want me to kick them?

 **PUNK** : dont kicked them

 **PUNK** : I need friends

 **HotCaptain** : desperate

 **Airhead** : I am everyone's friend!!!!

 **Asshole** : no you’re not

 **Asshole** : who are you anyway?

 **CROWDAD** : jesus fucking christ

 **CROWDAD** : stop being rude Tsukishima

 **Jesus** : I am not... fucking christ

 **Iamwild** : indeed

 **Iamwild** : you are fucking me 🌚

 **Jesus** : oh my god

 **Asshole** : disgusted

 **Russian** : oh wow, i wish Yaku was that brave

 **Demon** : Wdym

 **Hornier** : Sugawara, i think you need to keep everyone in check once again

 **Crowmom** : they're drunk

 **Russian** : so...

 **Russian** : we will met the day after tommorow, right ??

 **Yams** : yep. 

**Doghill** : OH!! Hinata is here!!

 **Sunshine** : doghill? Inu Oka?

 **Doghill** : yep that is my english name

 **Kenma** :...

 **Kenma** : it is not.

 **Konoha** : WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE ???

 **Ennoshita** : WHO ARE YOU


	2. kuroosgoingtojailparty + pridemonth bitches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CHARACTER WILL BE ADDED GRADUALLY

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY IF ITS NOT YOUR TYPE OF HUMOR

**Hornier changed HotCaptain’s name to Originalhorny**

**Originalhorny:** the fuck you do Akaashi?

 **Hornier:** doing my job

 **Hornier:** anyway, congratulation Karasuno for making it to semifinals.

 **CROWDAD** : thanks. We are made it here because of that training camps too.

 **Airhead2** : Thank you!!

 **Milkyboi** : thanks

 **Demon:** so

 **Demon:** you’re facing that aoba johsai, then?

 **Crowmom:** yup

**Russian changed Demon’s name to angryshortie**

**Angryshortie:** TF

 **Angryshortie** : WHERE R U NOW LEV

 **Russian:** urhouse

 **Angryshortie:** I AM ALONE IN THIS HOUSE WDYM

 **Originalhorny** : get out from that house

 **Angryshortie:** why?

 **Originalhorny** : he is sleep walking right now

 **Milkyboi** : is he sleeping or walking?

 **Asshole** : he is sleeping while walking dumbass

 **Airhead2** : how tho

 **Airhead2** : HE CANNOT SEE!!

 **Airhead2** : YOU NEED TO SAVE HIM IN CASE HE BUMPS INTO SOMETHING

 **Originalhorny:** Never knew you were this dumb

 **Asshole** : I thought you were smart enough to tell it from the first time we met

 **Kenma:** Kuroo is dumb

 **Originalhorny:** WHY ARE YOU TEAMING UP AGAINST ME?

 **Asshole** : this is exhausting

 **Asshole** : yams

 **Yams** : yeah?

 **Asshole** : deal with them

 **Yams:** i’m out bye

**Yams left the chat**

**Kenma added Yams to the chat.**

**Kenma:** don’t you dare

 **Airhead2:** uhhmmmmmmmm.......

 **Kenma:** what is it Shouyo?

 **Airhead:** what is it son?

 **Crowmom:** STOP STEALING MY SON

 **CROWDAD:** calm down, suga. Hinata wanted to say something

 **Asshole:** is not like he is going to say his first word

 **Crowmom:** hush. Shut up Tsukishima

 **Originalhorny:** DISOWNED

 **Asshole:** own me then

 **Originalhorny:** ASDFGGHJKLCNJDUIG

 **Kenma:** i’m done

 **Angryshortie:** LEV DID YOU JUST BROKE THE VASE DOWNSTAIRS???

 **Angryshortie:** GUYS I NEED YOU’RE HELP

 **Asshole:** your*

 **Hornier:** are you in danger, Yaku-san?

 **Angryshortie:** I AM. TOKYO FOLKS HELP ME!!

 **Airhead2:** wait!! I’ll get some help!!!

**Airhead2 added Twomouthbitch, Softies, playboy to the chat**

**Crowmom:** Hinata...

 **Crowmom:** they’re not tokyo people...

 **Airhead2:** THEY’RE NOT??!!

 **Milkyboi:** BOKE!! HINATA BOKE!!

 **Yams:** i’m getting schizoprenic

 **Asshole:** don’t be so dramatic, yams

 **Twomouthbitch:** PREPARE YO MOMMA’S ASS BOYS!!! NEXT YEAR DATEKO WILL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!!!

 **Playboy:** a new group of friends!!!

**Twomouthbitch changed Playboy’s name to nastytonguebitch**

**Kenma:** so loud

**Twomouthbitch changed Kenma’s name to grumpyassbitch**

**grumpyassbitch:** you will get home fast by that shinkansen, bitch

 **Ennoshita:** bro, chill. spring high is not here yet

**Twomouthbitch changed Ennoshita’s name to chillbitch**

**Hornier:** this is crazy

**Twomouthbitch changed hornier’s name to hornybitch**

**Hornybitch:** i don’t even know you

 **Chillbitch:** he is futakuchi, dateko’s new captain.

 **Grumpyassbitch:** another second years...

 **Twomouthbitch:** so what??? Yo ugly ass bicolors can’t stop me

 **Softies:** we’re lost to seijoh...

 **Grumpyassbitch:** PATHETIC

**Milkyboi changed Airhead2’s name to Boke**

**Milkyboi:** thank me later

 **Boke:** i’ll make sure you get your revenge back, Aone!!

**Twomouthbitch:** ~~you must, bitch~~

**Grumpyassbitch:** DELETE THAT SHIT

**Twomouthbitch unsent a message**

**Crowmom:** Kenma becomes expressive this day

 **Originalhorny:** I know right? Our kitten is a cat now

 **Grumpyassbitch:** pissed off

**Russian changed Angryshortie to your-pai-sen**

**Originalhorny:** oh

 **Originalhorny:** you’re alive

 **your-pai-sen:** you lied

 **your-pai-sen:** lev said that he went to your house and you offered him a beer. he got drunk and then he walked to my house unconciously

 **your-pai-sen:** for fuck sake, he is underaged

**Asshole changed originalhorny to Kuroosgoing2jail**

**Kuroosgoing2jail:** but he asked me to teach him oh to drink a beer

 **CROWDAD:** i can’t cover for you this time

 **PUNK:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘ThIS tIMe’???

 **Doghill:** You’ll be missed

 **Grumpyassbitch:** #Kuroosgoing2jailparty

 **Crowmom:** as one of the child protection comitees, you need to explain yourself

 **nastytonguebitch:** is that even exist?

 **Twomouthbitch** **changed nastytonguebitch’s name to dumbbitch**

 **Boke:** why are you so obssesed with ‘bitch’?

 **Dumbbitch:** yeah! why are you so obsessed with it?

 **Chillbitch:** don’t you dare tell them, futakuchi

 **Twomouthbitch:** nah

 **Twomouthbitch:** i want to watch this _Kuroosgoingtojailparty first_

 **Airhead:** want me escort you to the police station??

 **Kuroosgoing2jail:** JESUS!! JUST LISTEN TO ME FIRST

 **Jesus:** I’m listening

 **Chillbitch:** at this point i could call Asahi-san, father

 **Iamwild:** DADDY ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Chillbitch** **:** DON’T

 **Kuroosgoing2jail:** HOW THE HELL HE COULD DRUNK WITH 0% ALCOHOL BASED BEER????

 **Kuroosgoing2jail:** HE FRAMED ME

 **Asshole:** i could turned you in with that looks of you

 **Kuroosgoing2jail:** i know i’m hot but your gay is showing tsukki~

 **Boke:** LOL

 **Boke:** ROASTING FAILED

 **Twomouthbitch:** send nudes you coward **@Kuroosgoing2jail**

 **Asshole:** you will regret it

 **Yams:** YoUR gAy iS ShOWinG

 **Kuroosgoing2jail:** even your best friend betrayed you

 **Dumbbitch:** I AM GAY AND HETERO WHAT IS CALLED?

 **Chillbitch:**...

 **Chillbitch:** pretty sure it's bi

 **kiyokoworshipper:** i thought you were american

 **kiyoko:** its for lesbian

 **CROWDAD:** No one asked for your sexuality **@Dumbitch**

 **Boke:** how lucky...

 **Milkyboi:** i’m still asking my own sexuality

 **Asshole:** you are identified as morosexuals

 **PUNK:** WAIT

 **PUNK :** IS EVERYONE GAY ??

 **kiyoko:** les

 **PUNK:** GASPED

 **Chillbitch:** gay

 **Asshole:** european

 **Airhead:** i identified as a person who loves and getting turned on by Akaashi Keiji only, what is it called?

 **Konoha:** idiot

 **Airhead:** ‘idiot’ it is

 **Crowmom:** THIGHSEXUAL

 **Twomouthbitch:** WALLSEXUAL

 **Kuroosgoing2jail:** MOONSEXUAL

**Asshole removed Kuroosgoing2jail from the chat**

**Grumpyassbitch:** i want to marry you **@Asshole**

 **Boke:** i thought you're going to marry me (ಥ﹏ಥ)

 **Grumpyassbitch:** we could just stay in one house together

 **your-pai-sen:** WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT THIS BEHAVIOR OF YOURS, KENMA

 **BUDDHA:** nah bitch i’m straight

 **Iamwild:** TF

 **Iamwild:** I SAW YOU MAKING OUT WITH ENNOSHITA YOU JERK

 **Iamwild:** HOW COULD YOU ??

**Chillbitch left the chat**

**BUDDHA:** YOU SAW THAT???

 **Crowmom:** I PUT YOU UP FOR ADOPTION

 **PUNK:** dude pm him asap

 **BUDDHA:** I’M TRYING!!!

 **Twomouthbitch:** uh-oh

 **Twomouthbitch:** aone bring me a popcorn

**BUDDHA added Chillbitch to the chat**

**Hornybitch:** Imagined being spanked by bokuto

 **Chillbitch:** the hell?

 **Crowmom:** OH MY

 **Grumpyassbitch:** rip

 **Asshole:** i actually feel bad for your ass

 **Boke:** why??

 **Boke:** is it because he is the top 5 ace?

 **Milkyboi:** of course boke

 **Boke:** who is the first one then??

 **Milkyboi:** dunno, maybe its ushiwaka

 **Yams:** lol i want getting spanked by him

 **CROWDAD:** yamaguchi, you've seen his serves right??

 **Asshole:** getting thirsty i see

 **Russian:** i want to become an ace, so i can spanked Yaku’s ass HARD

 **your-pai-sen:** EXCUSE ME

 **Boke:** DUDE YOUR SPIKES IS ALMOST LIKE A WHIP

 **Russian:** ikr??

 **Russian:** instead of whipped cream we called it...

**Jesus added Kuroosgoing2jail to the chat**

**Asshole:** whipped ass

 **Kuroosgoing2jail:** (͠≖ ͜ʖ͠≖)

 **Asshole:** jesus

 **Jesus:** what is it my nephew ?

 **Twomouthbitch:** you're an uncle now?

 **Jesus:** my god, why is it here ???

 **Twomouthbitch:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'IT' ?

**Twomouthbitch changed Jesus's name to Panicgod**

**Panicgod:** tbh, the title jesus is too...

 **Twomouthbitch** : exaggerated, I know

 **Panicgod** : thank you for understanding

 **Panicgod** : i don’t even know why I hold that tittle

 **Crowmom** : gee, I wonder WHY

 **Kuroogoing2jail** : Suga your son is so funny

 **Kuroogoing2jail** : Tsukishima just sent me a 101 reason to left this chat

 **Kuroogoing2jail** : HE SHOULD BE HAPPY GETTING HIT ON BY KUROO TETSUROU

 **Kuroogoing2jail** : PLEASE TEACH HIM ON HOW TO BE GRATEFUL

 **Kuroogoing2jail** : THE LADIES ARE CRAZY OVER ME

 **Kuroogoing2jail** : BUT THIS BITCH MAKING ME CRZY

**Crowmom removed Kuroogoing2jail from the chat**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> current characcter  
> CROWDAD: Daichi  
> Crowmom: Sugawara  
> Panicgod: Asahi  
> Iamwild: Nishinoya  
> Chillbitch: Ennoshita  
> BUDDHA : Tanaka  
> kiyoko: Kiyoko  
> kiykoworshipper: Yachi  
> Boke: Hinata  
> Mikyboi; Kageyama  
> Yams: Yamaguchi  
> Asshole: Tsukishima  
> Kuroogoing2jail: Kuroo  
> Grumpyassbitch: Kenma  
> PUNK: Yamamoto  
> Your-pai-sen: Yaku  
> Russian: Lev  
> Airhead: Bokuto  
> Hornybtch: Akaashi  
> Konoha: Konoha  
> Twomouthbitch: Futakuchi  
> Softies: aone  
> Dumbbitch: Terushima
> 
> NEXT: SEIJOH'S DRAMAQUEENS


	3. SEIJOH'S DRAMAQUEENS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SEIJOH JOINS THE GC!!!

**MotherTooru** : everyone!! Your attention please!!

 **Muscles** : hold up i need to search for my beetle again

 **MotherTooru** : again???

 **Blep** : At this point, it should have eaten by a crow

 **MotherTooru** : Bitch

 **MotherTooru** : what did you just say?

 **MotherTooru** : don’t you fuckin dare say that thing in front of me

 **Wantachi** : calm tf down people

 **Notaturnip** : rest assured

 **Notaturnip** : he wouldn’t dare say it in front of your face

 **Blep** : tru

 **Blep** : at first i want to spit it on you

 **Blep** : But then i remembered you were a trash

 **Muscles** : were?

 **Blep** : now he is a recycled door

 **Notaturnip** : is that even exist?

 **Wantachi** : apparently, it is.

 **Wantachi** : old, dry, and flat lol

 **Wantachi** : not to mention he once in a trash

 **Lameme** : holy mother

 **MotherTooru** : IWACHAN!!!

 **MotherTooru** : THEY ARE BULLYING ME!!!

 **DogTamer** : first of all

 **DogTamer** : why did you ask for our attention?

 **MotherTooru** : my baby <3

 **Blep** : see

 **Lameme** : that is so old omfg

 **MotherTooru** : Kunimi stfu for a sec

 **MotherTooru** : you’re making mom sad

 **Notaturnip** : i thought our mom is Iwaizumi

 **MotherTooru** : before sunrise, i am your mom

 **DogTamer** : can you just say it already??

 **MotherTooru** : but mattsun and Iwa-chan havent online yet...

 **Lameme** : Issei is cuddling with me

 **Wantachi** : uwu

 **Wantachi** : their marriage life is far more cuter than you oikawa

 **Lameme** : LMAO

 **Lameme** : i mean sometimes iwaizumi and him look like a divorced couple

 **MotherTooru** : makki

 **Lameme** : ?

 **MotherTooru** : we’re graduating in four months...

 **Blep** : yey

 **MotherTooru** : this lil bitch

 **DogTamer** : im calling his parents

 **MotherTooru** : Yahaba, the only angel in this house...

 **MotherTooru** : YAHABA WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME??

 **DogTamer** : pretty sure, his negative traits coming from you

 **MotherTooru** : i dont remember having this kind of behavior

 **Muscles** : you are gossiping a senior in front of your fans when we were first year

 **MotherTooru** : i did???

 **MotherTooru** : i don’t remember

 **Notaturnip** : ...

 **Notaturnip** : i think he can’t tell the differences between mentioning and gossiping.

 **MotherTooru** : ANYWAY

 **MotherTooru** : I really am sorry

 **Blep** : for being a hoe

 **DogTamer** : it fits

 **MotherTooru** : LISTEN

 **MotherTooru** : i will leave this planet

 **Notaturnip** : HUH

 **Wantachi** : do you mean death ??

 **Blep** : my prayers have been answered

 **Muscles** : we’re not welcomed you in this earth either

 **DogTamer** : this is so cruel

 **DogTamer** : you’re joking right?

 **Blep** : does he looks like—

 **MotherTooru** : but seriously guys, Elon Musk hired me to become one of their astronauts

 **Iammeme** : never heard of him

 **Lameme** : sounds like an actor

 **MotherTooru** : ...

 **Wantachi** : …

 **Wantachi** : He’s not?

 **Notaturnip** : i know you like aliens but that doesn’t mean you can just beg him to hire u

 **MotherTooru** : why does everybody think that I lied ??

 **Blep** : why do YOU think that we believing u

 **Notaturnip** : calm the frick down Akira

 **Lameme** : ooh

 **Lameme** : first name basis, I see

 **Iammeme** : good job avoiding that cursed word, son

 **Wantachi** : the real parents of the group 

**DogTamer** : let just pretend you didn't say that Oiks

 **MotherTooru** : I thought you are different than the others (Ó╭╮Ò)

 **DogTamer** : I am different than the others

 **Muscles** : you've been showing ur leadership, yahaba

 **DogTamer** : Thanks

 **Lameme** : how does things work with that kyoutani ?

 **DogTamer** : he is not that aggressive compare to the first time he played

 **Lameme** : No.

 **Lameme** : I mean ur relationship with him, hun

 **Lameme** : oop he left me on read huh ??

 **Wantachi** : it's too obvious

 **Wantachi** : I can't deal with them

 **Lameme** : wow

 **Iammeme** : babe, let them be.

 **Notaturnip** : hey can I ask u guys a question?

 **Muscles** : go ahead

 **Notaturnip** : if u having ‘that’ intercourse. Who's the one playing the girl?

 **Wantachi** : yea sometimes I wonder that too since I have a girlfriend

 **Blep** : why the fuck are u asking that?

 **Notaturnip** : curiosity ?

 **Lameme:** ooh, panic much ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ?

 **Iammeme** : oikawa must answer this question

 **Lameme** : @ **MotherTooru**

 **MotherTooru** : the hell did you do those past three years in biology class, dumb son

 **Notaturnip** : i—

 **Notaturnip** : i'm just asking?

 **Blep** : this is why kageyama doesn't fucking love you @ **MotherTooru**

 **Lameme** : calm your asses oiks

 **DogTamer** : he doesn't have one

 **Dog** : harsh

 **Lameme** : did mad dog just online ?

 **Wantachi** : he did

 **MotherTooru:** IM SOBBING

 **Blep:** don’t be so dramatic, Regina George.

 **Lameme:** DID YOU JUST—

**Lameme changed MotherTooru’s name to Regina**

**Regina:** WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS?

 **Muscle:** who the fuck is regina

 **Wantachi:** WHO THE FUCK IS REGINA LMAO

 **Dogtamer:** i rarely laugh but i’m about to lose it.

 **Dogtamer:** I mean Kunimi just use a perfect sentence send me—

**Lameme changed Muscle’s name to Whothefukisregina**

**Regina changed blep’s name to Sinfulchild**

**Whothefukisregina changed name to Iwaizumi**

**Regina:** WTF?

 **Regina:** Iwa-chan actually knows how to change his name ???

 **Iwaizumi:** of course i know

 **Iwaizumi:** Who the fuck in this world doesn’t know how to change their names?

 **DogTamer:** Johzenji’s capt—Nvm

 **Lameme:** OH

 **Lameme:** babe

 **Lameme:** Did you see what i see, babe

 **Iammeme:** I see it babe

 **DogTamer:**???

 **Lameme:** SPILL IT, YAHABA HUN,

 **DogTamer:** Stop asking about my relationship!!

 **Regina:** You’re sounded like an aunt **@Lameme**

 **Lameme:** What do you MEAN

 **Iammeme:** Does it mean I’m their uncle?

 **Lameme:** Looks like it, babe

**Lameme changed Iammeme’s name to UncleMatssun**

**UncleMattsun changed Lameme’s name to AuntieMakki**

**1.30 AM / Monday**

**Notaturnip:** wait a minute

 **Notaturnip:** Kageyama just send me a photo all of a sudden

 **Iwaizumi:** but it’s 2 in the morning?

 **Notaturnip:** He told me to watch him on tv later, the shiratorizawa vs karasuno’s match

 **Regina:** how dare he provoked you like that >:(

 **Notaturnip:**...

 **Notaturnip:** i’m not feeling provoked?

 **Iwaizumi:** please go back to your sleep. School starts in six hours

 **Regina:** But i don’t wanna go to school

 **Iwaizumi changed Regina’s name** **Shittykawa**

 **Iwaizumi:** better

**Shittykawa changed Iwaizumi’s name to Sexygodzilla**

**Sexygodzilla:**...

 **Shittykawa:** What are you gonna do now? Spank me?

 **Sexygodzilla:** get your ass over here

 **Shittykawa:** Coming daddy...

 **Notaturnip:** umm...

 **Notaturnip:** what just happened?

**6.00 AM/ MONDAY**

**Wantachi:** poor kindaichi

 **Wantachi:** he sounded confused af

 **Sinfulchild:** it’s called mating calls **@Notaturnip**

 **AuntieMakki:** WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT YOUNG BOY

 **DogTamer:** pretty sure from oiks

 **Shittykawa:**...

 **Shittykawa:** excuse me


	4. Milkyboi added Shittykawa and Mydensebear to the chat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CROWDAD added Kuroogoingtojail to the chat
> 
> CROWDAD: hope this is the last time...
> 
> Kuroogoingtojail changed name to Urhottest
> 
> Urhottest: thanks Daddy
> 
> Crowmom: ????
> 
> Crowmom: what
> 
> Crowmom: WHAT DID U JUST SAY?
> 
> BUDDHA: OH SHIeT

**CROWDAD changed Panicgod’s name to Jesus**

**CROWDAD:** this is better

 **Jesus:** just whyy???

 **CROWDAD:** no reason :)

**CROWDAD added Kuroogoingtojail to the chat**

**CROWDAD** : hope this is the last time...

**Kuroogoingtojail changed name to Urhottest**

**Urhottest** : thanks Daddy

 **Crowmom** : ????

 **Crowmom** : what

 **Crowmom** : WHAT DID U JUST SAY?

 **BUDDHA** : OH SHIeT

 **Iamwild** : it’s coming

 **Crowmom** : GET UR HANDS OF MY MAN, YOU UGLY PIECE OF SHIT

 **Hornybitch** : i thought i’ll have a heart attack

 **Urhottest** : oya oya oya

 **Urhottest** : what a protective boyfriend

 **Boke** : I THINK HE IS SCHEMING SOMETHING!!

 **Urhottest** : What do you mean im scheming something, babybird ???

 **Boke** : huh?

 **Milkyboi** : huh?

 **Grumpyassbitch** : HA?

 **Asshole** : that’s sexy

 **Your-pai-sen** : WHERE THE HELL IS THAT SEXY?

 **Urhottest:** OYA

 **Yams** : Tsukki????

 **Chillbitch** : did you hit your head somewhere?

 **Airhead** : GASP

 **Airhead** : DID TSUKKI JUST

 **Airhead** : BRO @ **Urhottest**

 **Urhottest** : I KNOW BRO

 **Urhottest** : I JUST HIT THE JACKPOT

 **Airhead** : bro remember our deal?

 **Urhottest** : ofc

 **Milkyboi** **added Shittykawa and Mydensebear to the chat**

 **Urhottest** : I am naked at the balcony right now

 **Shittykawa:** GASPS

 **Shittykawa** : Tobio, I never knew you had a friend like that

 **Crowmom** : my mood just got decreased

 **Shittykawa** :Mr.refreshing! hello!

 **Milkyboi** : don’t be polite, it feels like you’re faking it

 **Shittykawa** : Tobio?!

 **Shittykawa** : did Kunimi brainwashed you?

 **Milkyboi** : nah, just heard some rumors about you from seijoh

 **Mydensebear** : This is why you should have come to shiratorizawa.

 **Shittykawa** : WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU

 **Crowmom** : language

 **Mydensebear** : Ushijima Wakatoshi.

 **Boke** : JAPAN????

 **Shittykawa** : OH MY GOODNESS

 **Shittykawa** : TOBIO WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING

 **Crowmom** : ohoho did my son just started a drama?

 **Asshole** : whats wrong with that name ew

 **Mydensebear:** i will take it that you meant my name.

 **Mydensebear:** Tendou changed it for me.

 **Asshole:** EW

 **Airhead** : Wakatoshi!!

 **Mydensebear** : Bokuto Koutarou

 **Urhottest** : oh? I saw you on the tv!!

 **Urhottest** : your spike got blocked by my tsukki right???

 **Urhottest:** thats my student for ya!!

 **Mydensebear** : I’m sorry, who are you ?

 **Asshole:** lol

 **Urhottest:** stfu

 **Airhead** : he is Nekoma’s captain!

 **Mydensebear** : I see. I heard Nekoma is the closest relative with wild cats, right?

 **Doghill** : c-cats?

 **Your-pai-sen** : what are we? Domestic?

 **Iamwild** : DOMESTIC LOL

 **Russian** : then i’ll be a russian cat not domestic! I’M NOT EVEN JAPANESE!

 **Grumpyassbitch** : haiba is a japan’s family name, you are obligated to leave this country.

 **Russian** : CHILL

 **Urhottest** : so, pudding head will be a calico cat

 **Grumpyassbitch:** you’ll be a black cat

 **Urhottest:** i know :)

 **Grumpyassbitch** : and u know what

 **Urhottest** : wut

 **Grumpyassbitch** : Beginning in the Middle Ages, black cats became associated with Satan, witches, and witchcraft; some people went so far as to believe that black cats were cohorts to witches or even witches who had taken on another form. This wide-spread superstition resulted in the horrific mass killing of black cats.

 **Boke** : Kenma, u okay?

 **Asshole** : hush

 **Asshole** : i have connected all the dots

 **Asshole** : so he’s saying that mf is a satan and a witch

 **Asshole** : therefore i will kill him

 **Urhottest** : with your love?

 **Asshole** : with a knife

 **Crowmom** : this time i’ll support u

 **CROWDAD** : NO!

 **Russian** : wait!!!

 **Russian** : if we really are cats...

 **Russian** : Yamamoto will be a tiger then because of his name, as well as Kuroo senpai

 **Russian** : but Kenma was classified from his appearance

 **Russian** : then Yaku senpai will be a...

 **Your-pai-sen** : ?

 **Russian** : A SHORT LEGGED CAT!

 **Your-pai-sen:** **THE FUCK**

 **PUNK** : Oh My Kouhai, Lev, may you rest in peace

 **Urhottest** : rip

 **Grumpyassbitch** : rip

 **Doghill** : rip

 **Boke** : rip

 **Shittykawa** : i don’t know who you are but rip

 **Mydensebear** : it because you’ve never gone to nationals

 **Twomouthedbitch** : OHO, SMELLS GOOD HERE

 **Dumbbitch:** BITCH IT REALLY DOES

 **Shittykawa** : fuck you and your ugly coach

 **BUDDHA** : thank god we beat Ushiwaka in one go

 **Urhottest** : thank god our coach was good-looking

 **Asshole:** what? you mean that sly gramps?

 **Urhottest:** ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Asshole:** **...**

 **Iamwild** : but fr

 **Iamwild** : as a fellow libero i feel offended by lev’s word

 **Asshole** : you will be a short-legged crow

 **Iamwild** : say it once again and i will spike your face

 **Boke** : but you’re a libero...

 **Boke** : that means you have never spiked a ball before

 **Iamwild** : oh bitch, ofc i have ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

 **Asshole:** EW

 **Chillbitch** : DO NOT SAY IT

 **Crowmom** : i will disown you if you dare say it

 **Iamwild** : you’re saying that but you often setting the balls too right (͡ ͡° ͜ つ ͡͡°)

 **Crowmom** : what are you talking about? I don’t understand

 **Shittykawa** : Are you sure about that mr. refreshing ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)?

 **Crowmom** : stop with the lenny face, you horny shit

 **Hornybitch:** and you told us not to swear in front of your first years

 **Dumbbitch:** I thought karasuno’s number 2 was an angel

 **Asshole:** bold of you assume that he is holy

 **Twomouthedbitch** : i fucking knew it

 **Mydensebear:** He is a human.

 **Shittykawa:** ... really dude?

**Jesus added Satan to the chat**

**Asshole:** wtf

 **Shittykawa:** what did just happened?

 **Hornybitch:** i thought my eyes are playing tricks on me again

 **Airhead:** bby, What do u mean ‘again’ ?

 **Satan:** ohohoho what an interesting name...

 **Satan:** mind to tell me who are Asshole, Hornybitch, Shittykawa and Airhead?

 **Asshole:** f off

 **Boke:** fof??

 **Iamwild:** FOFF????

 **BUDDHA:** FOOF!!!!!!

 **Doghill:** WOOF!!!

 **Chillbitch:** what the hell is wrong with y’all?!!

 **Asshole: @milkyboi** translate pls

 **Milkyboi:** why should i?

 **Asshole:** because it’s an idiot language

 **Milkyboi:** im not an idiot.

 **Asshole:** then tell me what’s 1.000 times 999,99 without using calculator?

 **Milkyboi:** are you making fun of me?

 **Boke:** that’s a lot of numbers...

 **Lev:** i don’t even know that...

 **Satan:** BWAHAHAHA

 **Satan:** DUMB

 **Mydensebear:** Don’t be like that Tendou

 **Satan:** wakatoshiiii~

 **Satan:** it’s good to see you here~

 **Shittykawa:** gay

 **Satan:** oho?

 **Satan:** Still s&m relationship with him, i see...

 **Twomouthedbitch:** OH?

 **Twomouthedbitch:** SPILL THE TEA SIS

 **Satan:** Hush, minor.

 **Twomouthedbitch:** I—

 **Chillbitch:** Shut up, Minor.

 **Twomouthedbitch:** whatever

 **Boke:** ohh!! I have S&M!!!

 **Yams:** with who?

 **Boke:** what do you mean ‘with who?’ i said that i have some S&M

 **Asshole:** okay, this is the first time i actually feel bad for you

 **Crowmom:** Hinata, i know you didn’t mean it, right :)

 **Iamwild:** there it is!! Suga’s demon smile!!!

 **Boke:** last week Tsukishima went there with me.

 **Kuroo:** OYA?

 **Satan:** ohhh, what is this?

 **Yams:** so thats why u refused to go home with me...

 **Urhottest:** aw, poor yams.

 **Asshole:** FIRST OF ALL, WE WENT TO A SHOPPING CENTER CALLED H&M NOT WITH S. FUCK HINATA’S 144P EYES

 **Boke:**???

 **Boke:** WHY WOULD U FUCK MY EYES?

 **Milkyboi:** stay away from hinata’s eyes, fourhole

 **Grumpyassbitch:** So you had a kink like that

 **Grumpyassbitch:** i want a divorce

 **Asshole:** who tf r u

 **Urhottest:** poor tsukki

 **Urhottest:** u know, ur legs is always open for me

 **Your-pai-sen:** ur sounded like a pervy uncle ew

 **Crowmom:** OKAY THAT'S ENOUGH. TIME FOR BED. IF ANY OF YOU ONLINE AFTER THIS I’LL FIND EVERY EACH ONE OF YOU AND STARING AT YOU WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT CHAPTER: Shiratorizawa VS Seijoh Rematch!


	5. Aoba Johsai vs Shiratorizawa Rematch!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ever wondered if shiratorizawa had an alarm system?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> current usernames  
> CROWDAD: Daichi  
> Crowmom: Suga  
> Jesus: Asahi  
> Kiyoko: Kiyoko  
> Chillbitch: Ennoshita  
> BUDDHA: Tanaka  
> Iamwild: Nishinoya  
> Boke: Hinata  
> Yams: Yamaguchi  
> Asshole: Tsukki  
> Milkyboi: Kageyama  
> Kiyokoworshipper: Yachi  
> Urhottest: Kuroo  
> Your-pai-sen: Yaku  
> Grumpyassbitch: Kenma  
> PUNK: Tora  
> Doghill: Inuoka  
> Russian: Lev  
> Shittykawa: Oikawa  
> SexyGodzilla: Iwaizumi  
> AuntieMakki: Hanamaki  
> UncleMatssun: Matsukawa  
> DogTamer: Yahaba  
> Dog: Kyoutani  
> Wantachi: Watari  
> Sinfulchild: Kunimi  
> Notaturnip: Kindaichi  
> Twoomouthedbitch: Futakuchi  
> Aone: Aone  
> Mydensebear: Ushijima  
> Satan: Tendou  
> Dumbbitch: Terushima  
> Airhead: Bokuto  
> Hornybitch: Akaashi

**Milkyboi added Sinfulchild, Sexygodzilla, Notaturnip and 5 other to the chat**

**Grumpyassbitch** : why is the member keeps increasing?

 **Milkyboi** : i do what i want, bish

 **Asshole** : lol

 **Asshole:** You’re safe, king

 **Notaturnip** : so karasuno calls him King too?

 **Boke** : NO

 **Boke** : Only stingyshima does

 **Boke** : we treat him better than you!!!

 **Milkyboi** : I*

 **Kiyokoworshipper** : aww, just go out you two!!

 **AuntieMakki** : aww, Fujoshi detected

 **Kiyokoworshipper** : Hanamaki-san, do you like this kind of thing too?

 **AuntieMakki** : maybeee????

 **AuntieMakki** : sometimes i read doujinshis or something like that

 **Kiyokoworshipper** : ME TOO!!!!

 **Sinfulchild** : You should have done this **@DogTamer**

 **DogTamer** : do not say another word

 **Wantachi** : I should have take a pic that time

**Satan added MiraiAce, Unevenbangs, Rockstar, and 2 other to the chat.**

**Rockstar** : Tendou did you make another gc?

 **Unevenbangs** : wtf is this?

 **Asshole** : wtf Unevenbangs

 **Unevenbangs** : shit. Goshiki, change my name

 **MiraiAce** : what? Why?

 **Rockstar** : don’t bully him

 **Unevenbangs** : i do what i want, bitch

 **Shittykawa** : how brave

 **DogTamer** : didn’t know you had astigmatism

 **Unevenbangs** : at least i’m smarter than you

 **Asshole** : OH ? IS THAT SO?

 **Twomouthedbitch** : lol what’s his deal?

 **Boke** : maybe because that time when his hand bleed?

 **Yams** : but that’s because Ushijima’s spike, right?

 **Asshole** : OH REALLY??

 **Unevenbangs** : Why is that french fry is here?

 **DogTamer** : I see, your haters keep increasing

 **Unevenbangs** : my haters just jealous of me.

 **DogTamer** : BITCH???

 **Shittykawa** : Language, Yahaba. Remember you are an angel

 **Unevenbangs** : ohoho, guess that hoe doesn’t know the angel’s secret, huh?

 **Shittykawa** : what did you just call me?

 **Sexygodzilla** : that hoe

 **Shittykawa** : Iwa-chan!!

 **Sexygodzilla** : new number, who dis

 **Twomouthedbitch** : wait, spill it **@unevenbangs**

 **Grumpyassbitch** : why are you so thirsty with rumors?

 **Twomouthedbitch** : why are you so thirsty with men?

 **Urhottest** : ...

 **Hornybitch** : Kenma, just go back to your gaming time. I’ll handle him

 **Grumpyassbitch** : No need. I’ll just beat his ass out next year

 **Twomouthedbitch** : you mean, with your little ass hands?

 **Grumpyassbitch** : with my tongue

 **Twomouthedbitch** : OH

 **Twomouthedbitch** : KEEP YOUR WORD, BITCH

 **Your-pai-sen** : WHAT THE FRICK ARE YOU TEACHING HIM, KUROO??!!

 **Urhottest** : it’s not me! i swear!!!!!

 **Boke** : What’s with your tongue, Kenma??

 **Grumpyassbitch** : don’t worry, Shoyo. It’s nothing

 **Boke** : keep your tongue safe ‘kay?

 **Grumpyassbitch** : Okay

 **GentleLeon** : how lovely this chat is

 **AuntieMakki** : Hi Reon!!

 **GentleLeon** : Hello! How’s your last exam?

 **AuntieMakki** : not bad! thanks to your notes

 **Shittykawa** : Makki?! Did you cheat on Matssun???

 **Shittykawa** : I can’t believe you’ve sinned :(

 **Milkyboi** : You’re a saint now?

 **Shittykawa** : stfu

 **AuntieMakki** : Bitch, unlike your lazy flat ass, matssun and I plead before Reon to get his Math notes

 **Shittykawa** : HARSH!!

 **Shittykawa** : but why didn’t you invite me then?

 **Sexygodzilla** : You should have invited him there

 **UncleMattsun** : ah, shit

 **AuntieMakki** : you’re right

 **Shittykawa** : wait what are you talking about

 **GentleLeon** : they’re talking about brought you here, at Shiratorizawa

 **Shittykawa** : wtf

 **Satan** : that time was when we had Open House, right?

 **MyDenseBear** : I can give you a tour now, Oikawa Tooru.

 **Shittykawa** : NEVER

 **Shittykawa** : DO NOT TRY ME

 **Crowmom** : As expected, prestigious school :)

 **Satan** : why???

 **Crowmom** : must be fun having an Open House

 **Rockstar** : Karasuno’s pretty setter, feel free to come here! my dorm’s door is always open for you ;)

 **Crowmom** : Thanks!

 **Airhead** : Woah!!!! the redhead who copied my hairstyle!!!

 **Satan** : WTF

 **Satan** : You are the one who copied my style, Crazy Owl

 **Urhottest** **changed Airhead’s name to CrazyOwl**

 **CrazyOwl:** BRO! I TRUSTED YOU!!!

 **Urhottest** : COINCIDENCE?

 **Urhottest** : I THINK NOT

 **Grumpyassbitch** : he must be drunk

 **Asshole** : or possessed.

 **Urhottest** : I AM TRYING TO BE FUNNY STFU

 **Asshole** : your humor is trash then

 **Milkyboi** : his humor is Oikawa then

 **Sinfulchild** : lol

 **Unevenbangs** : agreed

 **Rockstar** : Don’t be a bitch, Shirabu

 **Unevenbangs** : Stop acting like my mom

 **Taijiquan** : He is taming you

 **DogTamer** : Needs to tame, I see

 **MiraiAce** : Why Semi-senpai needs to tame Shirabu-senpai??

 **MiraiAce:** He is not an animal!!!

 **Sinfulchild** : let me guess, you entered with scholarship

 **MiraiAce** : HOW DID YOU KNOW!!

 **Sinfulchild** : Your reading skill’s sucks

 **Unevenbangs** : lmao

 **Unevenbangs** : I can guarantee he is the next leader

 **DogTamer** : wtf

 **Satan** : Seijoh qualification to be the next leader is being a bitch

 **Shittykawa** : want a slap?

 **Satan** : Yes

 **Shittykawa** : what?

 **Satan** : that Iwa-chan, must be like slapping you so much, that you tried to copy him

 **Milkyboi** : he likes it a lot

 **Iamwild** : OH. how did you know, Kags???

 **Milkyboi** : I once saw Iwaizumi-san slapped and punching him

 **Satan** : MUST BE HOT RIGHT **@Shittykawa**

 **CROWDAD** : wait, that’s when you’re still in junior high, right?

 **Milkyboi** : yes

 **Milkyboi** : why??

 **Rockstar** : Wow, Oikawa you got guts

 **Shittykawa** : WTF

 **Shittykawa** : we’re not doing that since junior high!!

 **Shittykawa** : we were bounded by contract this January

 **Satan** : EXPOSED

 **Twomouthedbitch** : THANK YOU FOR SATISFYING MY CURIOSITY

 **Sinfulchild** : Thank god, you’re not our captain anymore

 **Shittykawa** : IWA-CHAN!!

 **Sexygodzilla** : it’s your problem, not mine

 **Satan** : IRONIC

 **MyDenseBear:** All of this won’t be happen if you’ve gone to Shiratorizawa.

 **Sexygodzilla:** Starting today, he is in your care, Ushiwaka

 **MyDenseBear:** leave it to me.

 **Satan:** Then,

 **Satan:** What are you going to do with him, Wakatoshii??

 **MyDenseBear:** I don’t know.

 **Twomouthedbitch:** lol. I expect more than that.

 **Satan:** how honest...

 **Shittykawa:** HA!! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO??

 **SexyGodzilla:** He is confused because you’re useless

 **Shittykawa:** I know you didn’t mean that, Hajime.

 **Milkyboi:**...

 **Notaturnip:** ...

 **Sinfulchild:**...

 **Boke:** The grand king is pissed!!!

 **Rockstar:** This is awkward

**Satan removed Shittykawa and SexyGodzilla from the chat**

**Twomouthedbitch:** That drama was so good, yet you kicked the MCs

 **Iamwild:** They need to sort themselves, idiot.

 **MiraiAce:** ANYWAY!!! CONGRATULATION KUNIMI, KINDAICHI AND TSUKISHIMA!!!

 **Asshole:** Do not remind me.

 **Satan:** come to think of it, they’re gonna stay at our dorms for five weeks, right??

 **SinfulChild:** It’s DAYS

 **Notaturnip:** I think so

 **Satan:** THEN KARASUNO NORMAL GUY!!!

 **Asshole:** No.

 **Satan:** I haven’t said anything yet

 **Asshole:** I know. Everything that came out from your mouth is unholy.

 **Yams:** don’t you realized everything that came from your mouth is unholy too, tsukki??

 **Boke:** YAMAGUCHI BE TRYING TO END TSUKISHIMA’S WHOLE CAREER

 **Yams:** but fr, the first time we met he said “Pathetic” to three kids older than him. He better be thanking me for making him look badass.

 **Dumbbitch** : OHHH YOU GO FRECKLES!!!

 **Crowmom:** this is why you shouldn’t mess with yamaguchi.

 **Yams:** and there is this time when he cried because his strawberry shortcake was out of stock, he losT his cool at the cafe and became Karen.

 **Crowmom:** MY CHILD, WHY?

 **Kuroo:** IM—

 **Sinfulchild:** lol

 **CrazyOwl:** Who’s Karen?

 **Russian:** Karen is my aunt’s name

 **Russian:** wait

 **Russian:** WHAT DO YOU MEAN TSUKISHIMA IS MY AUNT??!!

 **Grumpyassbitch:** No, dumb fuck.

 **Russian:** CHILL

 **Asshole:** Hold it right there. Yamaguchi, did i do something for you to get mad?

 **Yams:** No?

 **Asshole:** Then why?

 **Yams:** just want to insult you.

 **Boke:** I don’t know why but i hear his glasses cracking.

 **Yams:** SORRY TSUKKI!!!! IM JUST JOKING

 **Satan:** So, is that guy being karen is also a joke?

 **Yams:** Oh, that one is not.

 **Asshole:** Why are you doing this to me?

 **Yams:** Sorry, Tsukki.

 **Twomouthedbitch:** BREAKING NEWS: OIKAWA AND IWAIZUMI SPOTTED ON NEARBY PARK NEAR DATEKO HOLDING HANDS.

 **BUDDHA:** JESUS. YOU STALK THEM?!

 **Twomouthedbitch:** BY COINCIDENCE? YES.

 **DogTamer:** how the fuck ‘stalking by coincidence’ even works?

 **Unevenbangs:** Use your head for once, Yahaba.

 **DogTamer:** first of all

 **DogTamer:** fuck you.

**Twomouthedbitch changed DogTamer’s name to yahabitch**

**Twomouthedbitch changed Unevenbangs’s name to shirabitch**

**Twomouthedbitch:** SHHH. BITCHES DONT ARGUE

 **Hornybitch:** At this point, all of the second years will be named bitch.

 **Twomouthedbitch:** That actually a great idea! I’ll go make a gc for all bitches soon.

 **Grumpyassbitch:** No, don’t.

 **Crowmom:** Wait² where’s the tea first?

 **Twomouthedbitch:** Almost forgot, okay so now they are gone

 **Your-pai-sen:** What the fuck do you mean gone?

 **Rockstar:** lol he snapped

 **Twomouthedbitch:** so apparently, they’re not gone. They just walking, i don’t know where tho

 **Twomouthedbitch:** OH WELL FUCK I GUESS WE’RE GOING TO SHIRATORIZAWA FELLAS

 **Taijiquan:** explain

 **Twomouthedbitch:** TF Y AM I FLUSTERED?????!!!!

 **Taijiquan:** It’s your feelings

 **Twomouthedbitch:** OH FAIR ENOUGH BUT OKAY I’LL EXPLAIN

 **Shirabitch:** turn off the capslock dickhead

 **Twomouthedbitch:** r u d e

 **Rockstar:** apologize, shirabu.

 **Shirabitch:** no, I don’t want to, eita.

 **Rockstar:** ...

 **Satan:** Oh shit. **@mydensebear** I’ll sleep in your room tonight.

 **Jesus:** is everything okay?

 **Satan:** NO THE WHOLE FLOOR WILL GET WIPED OUT BY THEM

 **Jesus:** Oh okay. I’m just asking.

 **Iamwild:** Btch. who’s belittling my man?

 **Crowmom:** noya, don’t bark. Sit.

 **Yahabitch:** lol what is he? A dog?

 **Crowmom:** a hellhound

 **CROWDAD:** why are you like this?

 **Twomouthedbitch:** NEWS UPDATE: THEY ARE CLIMBING THE SHIRATORIZAWA GATE.

 **AuntieMakki:** Iwaizumi can climb?

 **UncleMatssun:** Honey, don’t be like that. Thinks positively, he maybe jump.

 **Wantachii:** How the hell is he supposed to jump lol?

 **Iamwild:** With his feet. How else?

 **Wantachi:** I can’t tell if he is joking or truly asking.

 **GentleReon:** So, what are we suppose to do, Wakatoshi?

 **Mydensebear:** just let them be, the Bulls are on patrol today.

 **BUDDHA:** WHAT?

 **Mydensebear:** My dogs, they are on patrol today.

 **BUDDHA:** I thought for real it Bulls.

 **Mydensebear:** they are Bulls

 **AuntieMakki:** I AM KINDA CONFUSED RIGHT NOW. SO ARE THOSE TWO WILL BE SAFE OR WHAT?

 **Satan:** Guess there is no escape for them. Put your headphones on, Shiratorizawa folks.

 **MiraiAce:** done

 **Rockstar:** done

 **Taijiquan:** done

 **GentleReon:** done

 **Yamagayta:** done

 **Mydensebear:** done

 **Shirabitch:** done

 **Rockstar:** done

 **Notaturnip:** What’s happening?

 **Twomouthedbitch:** I don’t know. They’re still stuck on the fence lol

 **AuntieMakki:** SEE, told ya they can’t climb.

 **Rocakstar:** Don’t worry, as long as those two don’t step on the land, they’ll be safe.

 **Sinfulchild:** what if they do?

 **Rockstar:** The least we could do is accusing on Criminal Trespass

 **SinfulChild:** And the most?

 **Shirabitch:** Put them into jail

 **SinfulChild:** never knew your school system is shit.

 **Shirabitch:** bitch?

 **AuntieMakki:** Did you just—

 **Twomouthedbitch:** NEWS UPDATE: APPROXIMATELY IN TEN SECOND, OIKAWA’S FEET ON CONTACT WITH SHIRATORIZAWA

 **Satan:** here we go

 **Satan:** 10

 **Satan:** 9

 **Satan:** 8

 **Satan:** 7

 **Satan:** 6

 **Satan:** 5

 **Iamwild:** I LOVE HOW THRILL THIS IS

 **Iamwild:** CAN I TRESPPASS TOO?

 **Chillbitch:** No

 **Satan:** 4

 **AuntieMakki:** he should have gone to shiratorizawa lol

 **Satan:** 3

 **Satan:** nvm, the sirene already rung lol

 **AuntieMakki:** Can’t counting lol

 **Satan:** stfu

 **Shirabitch:** The guard on their way. Rip

 **Twomouthedbitch:** OH. I LOVE WATCHING THEM PANICKING

 **Twomouthedbitch:** But why the hell Oikawa so loud for? I can hear him screaming 1 miles away.

 **Yahabitch:** He is freaking out, that’s for sure.

 **Shirabitch:** lol pussy

 **Rockstar:** three

 **Shirabitch:** I hate you

 **Rockstar:** I know

 **Satan:** lovely

 **Satan:** Anyway stay safe bby **@mydensebear**

 **Notaturnip:** Hol’up. where is he going?

 **Satan:** Meeting your senior ofc. As one of the students who are responsible for School’s security, he needs to makes sure he fulfilled his duty :)

 **Yams:** Wow satan is nicer than i expected

 **Satan:** thank you karasuno’s cute kouhai

 **Asshole:** Don’t hit on him.

 **Satan:**??? I have a bf?

 **Yams:** Thanks for worrying me, tsukki.But I don’t have any plan on hitting someone at the moment.

 **Grumpyassbitch:** You’re cool. Wanna marry me?

 **Your-pai-sen:** KENMA

 **Grumpyassbitch:** what

 **Your-pai-sen:** Stop collecting people

 **Grumpyassbitch:** ok boomer

 **Your-pai-sen:** WHAT IN THE WORLD DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!

 **Crowmom:** Calm down. he’ll be feeling guilty in any minutes.

 **Your-pai-sen:** once that guy had children, it will be over for him.

 **CrazyOwl:** Akaashi, did you see that??

 **Hornybitch:** yes. Why?

 **CrazyOwl:** You’ll be the mother of my child so prepare urself

 **Konoha:** HE IS SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD FOR GOD SAKE

 **Konoha:** YOU BETTER NOT LAY A HAND ON HIM UNTIL WE GRADUATE. YOU HEAR THAT?

 **CrazyOwl:** but... i luv him...

 **Konoha:** No buts. Just don’t.

 **CrazyOwl:** UGHH.... FINE

 **Hornybitch:** Thanks Konoha-san.

 **Konoha:** Anything for you :)

 **CrazyOwl:** Don’t fall for him, Akaashi.

 **Hornybitch:** ... I’m not Bokuto-san.

 **Yahabitch:** OH to be Akaashi Keiji.

 **Wantachi:** someone is jelly. Mind if i @ him?

 **Yahabitch:** lol is he even on this chat?

**Shirabitch: @Dog**

**Yahabitch:** can you stop fucking with me?

 **Dog:** What?

 **Shirabitch:** he said no fucking.

 **Yahabitch:** No, don’t listen to him.

 **Yahabitch: @Rockstar** You are his caretaker, right? Please make him shut up.

 **Rockstar:** Should I?

 **AuntieMakki:** wow, i love this drama. Better than IwaOi ones

 **Your-pai-sen:** Speaking of them, where are they? **@Twomouthedbitch**

 **Twomouthedbitch:** they took them inside. Dunno what they’ll gonna do.

 **Aone:** Futakuchi.

 **Twomouthedbitch:** Don’t need to pick me up, i already on my way.

 **Aone:** Okay

 **Taijiquan:** I thought you’re gonna crashing here.

 **Twomouthedbitch:** And where would i sleep?

 **Taijiquan:** You can sleep in my dorm room

 **Twomouthedbitch:** soon ;)

 **Chillbitch:** Enough shittery for today. Now go to sleep before my senpai haunts you in your sleep.

 **AuntieMakki:** Great idea. Okay, Seijoh folks, Sleep tight or i’ll haunt your head tomorrow.

 **Sinfulchild:** That's disturbing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took me so long wtf... hope you enjoy it :)


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